Underestimation

My new, typical Sunday consists of driving in to work to prepare for Monday's flying. Today, I decided to let Ava tag along for some "mommy/Ava" time! The plan was to finish work prep, and then we'd head by the store to pick up Stevie's valentine's for school on Tuesday. Then maybe, JUST maybe I'd treat her to something special if she could behave herself.

At work, she quickly ran out of patience for what I needed to accomplish. So I put her at a desk and gave her a notepad and a pen and imagined up some important work that she needed to help me finish. 95% of my attention was on what I needed to get done, while I portioned off 5% to the nods and smiles that usually keep Ava happy.

Ava: Mommy, look... I drew my name!
Mommy:  Mm hmm, that's nice honey...
Ava (from across the room): See, there's my A, V, A... Ava!
Mommy:  Yep, that's a great job love!

I was convinced my child had scribbled "her version" of an A, V, A onto that paper. So you can only imagine that heart-swell moment I encountered when I looked down at her paper that she brought to me and I saw her name, in plain English. A... V... A...

So proud of her, I had her take a marker and draw on the board on the fridge for daddy when we got home. Another first for my Ava Ryan...

I don't want them...

It's true. Today, I don't want my children. I love my oldest daughter to death - she's smart, and respectful, and responsible. However, when her 4 yr old sister asks to play with her, my oldest finds every excuse under the sun to do something else, without her. I can't force the bonding process... and I'm sick of encouraging it. I just want to click my three heels and turn around and find them magically playing "Littlest Pet Shop" with smiles and giggles that fill the air. But - no... All I hear from the other room is "Stevie, will you play with me?" and the 9 yr old reply "not right noooooow Ava!"

Of ALL children - my 4 yr old is asking to die. Her "terrible" face has been going for months now. She refuses to eat when she's at the table. She refuses to listen until we have to use our OUTSIDE voices to get our point across. She's never happy, despite our best efforts to make her happy. She's hyper - I've self-diagnosed the child with ADHD. She wakes up and her brain is going 200mph, and she stays that way until she's forced into bed at night. Today, I cannot take it anymore. I have closed the curtains over my eyes and shut out the world... she has pushed my last button.

My 1 yr old is sweet, but just as terrible. As I type this, she's crawled up on the couch with the 4 yr old who is trying to watch a movie. Victoria is kicking Ava in the head, and Ava is yelling "STOP IT!" and Victoria is laughing a vicious laugh and deep inside - I'm laughing too... I've wanted to kick her in the head all day, and now I get to live vicariously through my 1 yr old. I've cleaned the house 10 times today, and each time I clean a room, I look behind me and Victoria has destroyed it again... in her wake, a trail of toys that I have to re-sort and put away again.

Why, oh why did work give us a three day weekend? Don't they realize I look forward to my 5 day vacations from my children!?