Throwing in the Towel

Dearest Mommy Friends.... I need you...

I am struggling as a stay-at-home mother. Nicolas doesn't make enough to support any form of extra spending to try to entertain my brood - and I am NOT (nor do I want to be) one of those Pinterest perfect housewives. My children are bored. They have created their own daily routines that often include fighting over toys... not sharing computers... snapping at one another over the Wii or tablet games they want to play. It is TOO HOT to enjoy the great outdoors. 104F is not perfect weather for a picnic or leisurely stroll to the park. It cost $5 a head to get into the pool (so I take them once a week... if not, once every 2 weeks.)

They've stopped listening to me. I tell them to clean their rooms... and I have to tell them and tell them and tell them and tell them... I tell them to please sit straight at the table and eat their lunch. "Eat your food. Eat your food... Eat your food..... Eat your FOOD!" They push me until I've been pushed too far, and by then my anger overwhelms me. I don't abuse them... but I've been known to pop them to get their attention. I had to remind my almost 8 yr old about 6 times daily not to pick her nose because she pierces flippin' arteries and leaves a trail of blood across her pillowcase, her clothes... her face... in my car at the grocery store... and after I've talked about it enough and she comes to me not realizing she had blood all over her fingers and trailing down her chin, I couldn't help it. I slapped her cheek. She deserved a bit of disrespect and embarrassment. She has stopped hearing me.

My kids want. They CONSTANTLY want. I can give them, and they still want! I give them, they don't appreciate, yet still want. I reward them for listening. We've tried time out. I'm at my WIT'S END!

My 12 yr old is locked inside a virtual world. She has friends, but everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't get together and do anything! This new age of children is down right scary. We try to engage with them. We take them places... we teach them things (or at least we try to.) I just feel like I'm not reaching them.

My 4 yr old? Dear God. I quit. I could never imagine speaking to my parents the way she speaks to us. I can't even begin to think of a way to discipline her for her sassiness. She doesn't care about time out. She doesn't care about spankings. We've tried the whole "eye level, talk it out" approach.

This is supposed to be SUMMER VACATION! You know... FUN STUFF... Instead, I'm parenting from behind a locked door because I can't bring myself to leave my bedroom and deal with these demons. I don't like my children. This is my confession. I love them.... but I don't like them... and I don't know how to get back to where I need to be in order to be who they need.